9/28: Cringe in the Mind

Dear Internet,

You ever doubt your creative abilities so much that you just stop doing your hobbies? Because I've unfortunately fallen into that trap again.

The trap of cringe in the mind. I've fully subscribed to the anti-cringe culture movement, I mean hell, I used to be in the rabbithole of art "critics" like Solar Sands (who just made fun of kids' art...), then I got out of it with the rest of the normal people who came 'round once they gained some braincells. But like, my mind still hasn't adjusted. Now don't get it twisted, I do NOT judge people for no reason, it's just I over-criticize my own creative stuff. Right now, it's my writing. I really want to start writing a script for my character in this Minecraft roleplay thing some people at my school do, but I just can't even touch the google doc I started a couple months ago. Because I'm like, oh god, I'm gonna have to voice this, I'm gonna have to record my voice, oh god, oh god, I'm so bad at reading scripts, blah blah blah...

Can you tell I'm an anxious person?

To take my mind off this, I guess I'll tell you about the guy I'm writing. His name is Tekkah (they/he), he's an Arachnid (spider-person), he's from an underground society that was isolated from everyone else for like 500 years. They have a timid cowboy vibe going on (oddly specific?), and tries to keep a mysterious facade but is super bad at it. Kinda like preteen me. They're also a bit headstrong even though they're soft-spoken. Also kinda like preteen me. Here's a little doodle I did of him.
I like him, but I hate that his character will be constrained by my ability to voice act... which I have none of. The only accent I can kinda do is a Southern accent, and even then, it's very clear it's a cheap imitation of the accent from someone who's never really set a good foot in the South. Even dropping any accents, I feel like I'm bad at voice dynamics. I can't make things sound natural if I'm reading from a script, but if I don't, I say a lot of filler words. And I meant A LOT. Hell, even my writing voice has a lot of filler words. Speaking of my writing voice, I kinda hate it? I feel like I come off as too sarcastic. But I also feel like I can't write in any other way without being unfaithful to myself.

Okay, we're getting too meta here.

Writing this weblog is helping me with this. Right now I'm telling myself that I cannot let my fear of being cringe hold me back and that this weblog will be the only place where I lament about my struggles with self-image on the Internet.

ANYWAYS... I'll leave you off with a song I've been listening to a lot. It fits one of my old D&D characters, Sylvester. Maybe I'll talk about him later.


--Ajax